Ahh, the teenage years. It’s enough to make any parent question if they are getting it right. Peer relationships, school pressure, hormonal changes, and the desire for independence. So what happens when you add a chronic illness to the mix?
I’ve had the privilege of working with type 1 children and teens for many years, first as a mentor, then as a therapist. A large part of my private practice is working with type 1 children, teens, and adults. I also happen to be a person with type 1 diabetes as well as the mom to a son with type 1 diabetes. So, it’s fair to say that type 1 diabetes is a common thread that has run throughout my life.
In working with children and teens over the years, I have found some common themes. Some may be a surprise to parents. Others may be the topic of weekly, if not, daily conversation. Sometimes the things I hear fill me with great joy and hope. Other times, they break my heart. Here’s what many teens have shared with me.
They just want to feel “normal”.
Teens are already asserting their independence and pulling away from their parents. This is a normal, healthy pattern of development. At the same time, their peers are becoming increasingly important. Teens are trying to find their place amongst their peers. Throw in type 1 which makes them feel different. Whether it’s the blood sugar checks, the carb counting or wearing devices on their bodies that others can see, type 1 teens just want to fit in.
They are afraid of hypoglycemia.
Many teens I talk to will confide that they are afraid of being low. Particularly in front of, you guessed it, their peers. It brings a feeling of vulnerability and for many teens this is an uncomfortable feeling. Perhaps one they haven’t encountered before. Some have shared with me that it also forces them to acknowledge that they don’t have control over their bodies.
They feel like they are letting people down.
Your kids want to please you, even as teens. They want your approval and the affirmations of doing a good job. They often feel like they are failing you as it relates to their diabetes care. For some teens this causes feelings of anger and rebellion. For others, they experience feelings of guilt or shame. Then there are the quarterly endocrinologist visits. Each one feels like a report card that is somehow a reflection of their self-worth. Those conversations matter too.
They want you to see more than their diabetes.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from teens is “all we talk about is diabetes!”. I’ve spoken with parents who admit that their relationship with their child has changed from before diagnosis. Teenagers want you to see that they are more than their diabetes. And they really want to have conversations that have nothing to do with diabetes at all.
They are incredibly resilient.
I’ve had teens tell me about pushing through their first injection, fighting fear of their first day back at school after diagnosis, and countless other daily victories. Your teen is handling a chronic illness and in doing so, they are learning how to persevere through hard things. Helping them discover how these skills can be used in other areas of their lives can be a huge asset that will serve them well in the future.
So next time you sit down with your type 1 teen, ask them what they’d like you to know. It may surprise you.
