It goes without saying that a type 1 diabetes diagnosis affects the entire family. Whether you are the person living with T1D or the caregiver of a T1D, a chronic illness changes the dynamic in a family. First and foremost, we must understand the function of a family system. In a family, we know that when something affects one family member, it affects all family members. This can change the dynamics in a family. For the family with strength and stability, families are often able to lean on one another for support. If a family system is already stressed, a type one diabetes diagnosis can add another layer of stress to already strained relationships.
We also know that T1D is not static. And just like individuals with T1D can experience burnout, so can caregivers. So even if your family is currently functioning well, you may experience some bumps in the road at some point. So how do we create a family system where we are “doing diabetes” to the best of our ability?
Turn Down the Noise
T1D management comes with its set of daily tasks. Discussions about blood sugar numbers, pump site changes, carb counting, ordering supplies, and doctor’s appointments just to name a few. This creates a lot of “noise” in families. In other words, it is easy to lose sight of the familial relationships when T1D is at the forefront. The person with T1D is a person first. Trust me, they don’t want to talk about T1D anymore than you do. So where can you shift conversations away from T1D? Ask the person with T1D for their feedback and be ready for an honest conversation. Is T1D at the forefront of every conversation? How can your family make that shift to focus on the person more than the disease?
Look For Signs of Learned Helplessness
It is hard to watch our kids struggle. It is even harder to watch our kids struggle with T1D. We know we can’t take it away and we know they get tired. Sometimes, in an effort to save our kids from struggle, we inadvertently take on the role of overindulging. In other words, we begin doing for a child that which they can do for themselves. It’s such an easy pattern to slip into as a parent. And while there are T1D tasks that children need assistance with, we also need to be sure we are not overindulging in other areas as a way to “make up for” their T1D struggles. We want our kids to grow up to be capable, confident adults.
Notice Your Roles
Every family engages in specific roles and patterns of behavior. This is an opportunity for you to look at your family’s patterns. Do you avoid conflict? Is communication an area of struggle? Has one person stepped up as the “diabetes manager” while the other family members are avoidant? Noticing the roles of your family can bring about important awareness about how your family is navigating the diabetes journey. It is also an opportunity for families to devise new strategies for dealing with T1D management.
Every family manages their type 1 diabetes diagnosis differently. And I believe that every family is doing their best with the tools that they have. Family systems are complex and take time to change. Continue to check in with one another, make adjustments as necessary and have honest conversation about the effects of T1D on your family unit.
